I believe in standing ovations
Well… I found myself in rather of a pickle the other night. I was feeling the LUCKIEST human alive as I watched my youngest kid perform on the stage with 70 other children… my cheeks hurt from grinning. I was mesmerized. They were spectacular and I felt like I needed to pinch myself in wonder that other people made this possible for them. Just WOW.
To set the stage… it was the FINAL performance of four - the grand finale. The cast did not miss a beat - they were PHENOMENAL. The show came to a close and the applause began.
Okay, I feel like I need to digress… I had seen the very first show the previous day and as the show drew to the end, my dear SIL promptly stood and initiated the standing ovation. Soon the crowd was alive with applause and the kids were beaming. They had worked SO HARD.
I admire my SIL greatly. She is a gentle advocate for all that is good - sincere to the bone. I marvelled at how quickly she stood to affirm those kids and I appreciated that she opened the gate for me to follow. I do not have a tendency to go first - in fact, I rather avoid it. A childhood in the 80’s and 90’s as a mostly deaf kid taught me to FIT IN and be as invisible as possible - life depended on it. The only options were to either shine brilliantly or completely fade.
BACK TO THE STORY…
The crowd was duly applauding. No one was initiating an ovation and before I even know what I am doing, I am standing and clapping with my cheeks pulled into the biggest smile. My hubby gives me a look and keeps sitting… and so does EVERYONE else.
My head is wondering if I misinterpreted something (AGAIN), but no, it IS the END and this is the FINAL performance and the play is performed by kids ranging from 4 - 16 year of age and they have done an INCREDIBLE job… so I keep standing while chanting to myself ‘you are a cheerleader and these kids earned it all - just keep applauding’. In the last moments, a lady down the row stood, but otherwise it was just me and then her (I could have hugged her).
I was standing like a huge, awkward blimp in the middle of the crowd - essentially a reoccurring nightmare of mine. There was no invisibility cloak here, no powder room to quietly slip away to. I felt like SUCH A FOOL and since I was wearing my ‘picnic pirate shirt’, I was very discernible in the crowd. There was nothing incognito about this moment - no redemption. I could feel myself folding in and my insides sinking. To top it off, I knew several people in the rows behind me… and I knew they let me stand alone. I knew where I stood, I could feel the line being drawn. I stood alone.
Yet, after I went home and envisioned just how I would fade into some crevice and never return to the mortal world again, swearing off all contact with humans and crawling into bed with the tears smarting my eyes, I knew that I would DO IT AGAIN.
Why? Because I believe in STANDING OVATIONS. Even when you are mostly alone and a huge picnic pirate in the crowd. Needless to say, it absolutely messes with my trust issues of people and group dynamics, but that is a me problem and most likely a lifer for me. I have stood alone so many times.
And yes, later my hubby profusely apologized and was mortified with his blunder - he very much quells at drawing attention to himself (more so than me), yet had some serious soul searching to do when leaving his life partner to stand alone. I suppose we both met our demons that night.
Pictured below is what I call my picnic pirate shirt - the Zero Waste Cropped Shirt by Birgitta Helmersson. Thankfully there are no pictures of the actual event…
The shirt is made with 100% linen sourced from ETSY. I did extend the length of the crop and wonder if I should have extended a wee bit more, but I love it and I receive compliments every time I wear it! This is an excellent pattern for learning Zero Waste sewing!
