30 days & thoughts…
Last month I challenged myself to post on Instagram for 30 days…
CONFESSION…
Consistency is NOT my superpower. Or my mini power. I am more of a passion driven sort that is here, there, and everywhere. Often, I need routine imposed on me, which is complicated because I willfully resist being told what to do. Sigh.
However, I would dearly love to be one of those routined, balanced sorts that tick in rhythm, rather than in surges. So I decided it was time to COMMIT…
Funny thing… in my mind, I posted ALL THE TIME.
Yet, that was hardly the case. I flipped between the fear posting TOO MUCH, being a burdensome bore and… forgetting that posting is even a thing.🤷♀️
I also had this weird, nagging GUIT that I could not quite articulate… This insistence that I should be sharing old photos and ‘reusing’ content - and my not doing so was actively ‘lazy’ on my part. And not just lazy, but ungrateful. I was essentially choosing failure.
Where does our inner dialogue get this stuff????
However, posting for 30 days was a REMARKABLE experience. Possibly life altering.
I have learned it is not that big of a deal to post, so stop overthinking it. Plus, I am ok with not sharing/remixing old stuff. I am more interested in BEING and sharing from there. I am not a strategy, just a maker that keeps following the next pulse.
Writing the caption is my favourite part. I found myself jotting down notes and missives all the day long - like a window with the freshest breeze was cracked opened in my brain.
That no one cares… that hits hard - it always does. It is simultaneously a blessed RELIEF and a crushing devastation. Yet… an ego death is worth the liberation of the heart - I can feel the grip easing from around my heart. I was not even aware it was being held so very tightly.
I have a LOT of things to say… so many thoughts… so many ramblings…
Once I hit the 30 day mark, I abruptly stopped posting… like an invisible thread was cut. The tether no longer held tension and everything was easy (respectively speaking). The deep, furrowed guilt dissipated. Plus… I DID SOMETHING FOR 30 DAYS!!!! I can be consistent!!! YAYYYYY!!!!
I can see a shift coming for me, but I do not know what it is. This poem by David Whyte says it perfectly…
